How to handle your marriage when you are disappointed so soon as a newlywed couple

How to handle your marriage when you are disappointed so soon as a newlywed couple.
Honeymoon Retreat For newlywed couples LECTURE FIVE
By: Pastor Akindele Victor
+234 8037730716
E-mail: loveclinictower@gmail.com
As a newly wed couple the enthusiasm and expectations are always overwhelming. Both partners look up to the other partner as a source of joy, inspiration, happiness etc, the couple will want to hold each other in a high esteem though, some of this expectations are met while in some cases it does not come so easy.

A SHORT STORY AS A REFERENCE;
I was told of a woman married for fourteen years but this fourteen years was like hell to her. Her husband beat her at every slight argument, he cheat on her, he does not care for her and their four children. It was really tough for the woman but she kept praying and hoping that one day things will change in her marriage. After fourteen years of torture, a woman died in their family. Immediately after the incidence, it was as if they removed a coverage from the man, he suddenly remembered the wife and the children. He came back home, knelt down weeping and begging the wife that seriously he was not himself, he can’t even explained what came over him. The wife with tears explained how the man have maltreated her, how he was not concerned about his children etc it was a big blow to the man for fourteen years he has been a total stranger to the wife. The man was grateful to the wife for standing for him and his children and also praying for him. He promised that from that day forward they shall live in peace. So to confirmed his promise, he gave that wife a gift of new car to relief her of her years of suffering in his hands.

The marriage was restored because a partner stood her ground. Left for some, they either divorced, cheat on the man or poison the man, all that ,are they solutions? I know family members, friends and well wishers would have advised this woman contrary to her faith but she never lost hope

In this training I will group into two categories situations in a newly established marriage and i will give you what should be your attitudes in any category.

CATEGORY ONE AND WHAT TO DO
Your attitudes in a disappointed marriage right from the early stage of your marriage.

CATEGORY TWO AND WHAT TO DO
Your attitudes when you are highly satisfied at early stage of the marriage but later become negative.

In this LECTURE FIVE,, I will concentrate on the first category while the second category will come in lecture six.

CATEGORY ONE AND WHAT TO DO
Your attitudes in a disappointed marriage right from the early stage of your marriage.

Before we continue, I want to point out what could be some expectations among newlywed couples.

As a newlywed spouse, you will like to experience all or some of the following immediately you are married to your heart drop

  1. Romance
  2. Faithfulness
  3. Love
  4. Respect.
  5. Submission
  6. Materialism
  7. Success in business or career
  8. Children.
  9. Attraction
  10. Happiness
  11. Peace
  12. Money
  13. Positive relationship with others
  14. Godly character
  15. Sexual satisfaction
  16. Good life
  17. Good food
  18. Passion

These may not rank according to your priority as a wife or husband, but these are just few practical expectations by a partner or both in any marriage. The irony is that husband expects these from wife, in the other hands, wife expects these from the husband. This means each partner depends on the other while none may actually think of how to fulfil these to the spouse.

However, this may not be too important than the second which is that, some or all of these expectations may become day dreams or mirage as soon as you enter into your marriage. If this is your case, there is hope for you. I will show you what should be your attitudes with time frame so you do not destroy your marriage by what you see now.

WHAT SHOULD BE YOUR ATTITUDES IN AN EXPECTATIONS WHICH TURNED TO A MIRAGE OR A DAY DREAM IMMEDIATELY AFTER YOUR WEDDING.

As a spouse, you may realised so soon that greater aspect of your expectations in that marriage are not met at all, you begin to wonder if you actually saw well or made a good choice in your wife or your husband, doing this will only make things worst for you and your partner.

THESE ARE WHAT YOU SHOULD DO:

  1. WAIT FOR TIME TO HANDLE THE SITUATION:
    Be patient, you are both learners in this institution called marriage. Let me tell you bitter truth about marriage, you can’t get 100% good qualities of your partner immediately after your marriage. Take this from me, you may not get 50% good quality of your spouse until you are 10 – 15 years in that marriage. Is that alarming?

Some couples don’t know what is called pleasure or satisfaction in marriage until they have both learnt from each other. How quick they adjust depending on their understanding about the institution called marriage. It is a place of learning and it is continuous until death do you part. It does not matter how long you were engaged before you eventually got married, the experience in marriage can never be compared to when you were not couples.

You just have to take it so you will think straight and stop thinking negative about this marriage or wishing you could divorce. Any anniversary you celebrate is a step higher in this institution, and also closer the hope for better life. Blend together, be determined to succeed, stop blaming your self or your family, stick together to learn together, adjust for each other and grow together.

  1. CONCENTRATE ON THE STRENGTH AND NOT ON WEAKNESSES.
    The second step I will share with you is to place more emphasis on your feel good about your partner than your source of feeling awkward and irritating towards him/her.
    Concentrate on the strength of your partner and bother less about his/her weaknesses.

Examples of weaknesses that could make you disappointed in your spouse may include but not limited to these:

i). Not been romantic

ii). Lack of money

iii). Bad cooking

iv). Zero submission or respect

v). Infidelity.

vi). Uncleanliness

vii). Insolence

viii). Ungodly attitudes

ix). Disrespect to you and to others around you.

x). Lack of love or affection.

xi). Smoking, drinking and fighting.

xii). Prayer less life

xiii). Lost of Passion. . etc………

This list is not exhaustive, there may be other areas you are disappointed in your spouse this is just to give some examples that could help us practically. My main focus is how to help you through this moment in your marriage. If you focused your attention on those things that make you unhappy, you will be depressed and may even run cracy in that your home. If you never see anything good in your spouse, you may be ungrateful.

Just take a moment and ask your self that sincere questions, what has this marriage added to me? What have I gained marrying this man or this woman, has God been faithful to me in this marriage? These questions and more will help you to get the best out of your marriage. When you show gratitude in your marriage, you are indirectly committing God in that marriage. Look inwards, if it is not money, it is the fruits of the womb or safe delivery, love, prosperity, Peace of mind, affections, attention, etc one of these or others must match your case in that home. Look well and see a good benefit in that home while you patiently and prayerfully wait for positive changes in other areas you detest in that marriage.

The truth is this, devil will show you one thousand and one reasons why you should quit, but God want you to just look for only one reason why you should stay.

  1. THERE IS ALWAYS A ROOM FOR IMROVEMENT IN LIFE

You need to face this fact that you are not also perfect, so expecting perfection in your spouse so soon may be unfair. In life, the biggest room is the room for improvement.

Waiting time to you may be unacceptable or not palatable, but it worth doing because of the fruits you will reap, that is, the fruits of patience. If you are to be sincere to your self, you will agree with me that there are aspects of life you were not perfect but just learning perfection! That is an improvement.

A spouse who is bad in character today may become the best in future, your partner may be bad in bed today but with time he or she will adjust. She may not be a good cook, but with time she can improve. He may be a cheat and uncaring spouse today but may become the most faithful and caring spouse ever in future.

Never spoil your future with what you see in your marriage today, see it as water under the bridge that is just flowing pass it will never come back, see it as lack of knowledge today and pray for knowledge for better life tomorrow. That husband or that wife could be a great instrument in the hand of God tomorrow that God will use to liberate men in that aspect of life you see him weak today.

God does not see us by what we do today, He sees us by what He created us to be in future. Take a case from Paul the apostle who was a murderer but God was seeing a deliverer because God never created him to be a murderer but a deliverer. When a man is exposed to knowledge in life, there must be a transformation. Knowledge is the root of all transformation. Wait for that transformation to come, it must surely happen.

  1. PRAY FOR YOUR SPOUSE
    Many will not want to agree with this, men find it easier to pray for who makes them happy, that person who offends them is never considered good enough for their intercession. God is the author of marriage, you need to commit Him in that your marriage if you really want that change or improvement. It can’t just happen, you can make it happen on your kneel. Many things happens in your life or marriage that are just not normal. Most of them are spiritual. You need to tackle spiritual with spiritual, you can’t get things done by nagging, complaining, fighting or monitoring him or her. You just have to pray and wait for God to bring the change in your partner.
  2. COMMUNICATE WITH LOVE AND NOT COMPLAINS.
    In a situation where you are experiencing unfavourable attitudes in your partner, learn to communicate. How do you communicate? You communicate when you seat together, you communicate when you are not in argument with him or her, you communicate when you are both calm not when you are angry. Anything bothering you in that marriage, never raise the issue when you are tensed or furious or when your spouse is in the same mood. To communicate means to exchange ideas, to Robb minds together on an issue, it is a time of discussion. Many people raised important issues when in argument or exchanging words. You hear them say, I have said it times without number that I don’t like this but my husband or my wife will never listen. Do you know what? Sincerely speaking you have not said anything you are only in argument. Try to communicate and never stop talking until there is a change.

You will enjoy your marriage in Jesus name.

For your counseling or enquiries, WhatsApp or text
Pastor Akindele Victor
+234 8037730716
E-mail: loveclinictower@gmail.com

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