8 Principles for selecting the right partner for marriage.
Ways to avoid Marrying the Wrong person
Marrying the wrong person can be the worst decision in someone’s life. There is a right way and a wrong way to get to know someone about getting married.
The wrong way is to get caught up in the excitement of an ongoing relationship and completely forget to ask the critical questions that help determine compatibility. One of the biggest mistakes that many young bachelors make is rushing into marriage without getting to know someone properly and thoroughly.
If you or someone you know is in the dating phase, the following guide offers tips on what to look for and what to avoid:
- Don’t marry potential
Don’t assume that you can change a person after marriage. After all, there is no guarantee that these changes will be for the better. In fact, it is often for the worse. If you cannot accept someone as he is, then do not marry them. These differences can include a number of things such as ideological or practical differences in religion, habits, hygiene, communication skills and more.
- Select Character over Chemistry
Here is a famous quote: “Chemistry ignites the fire, but the hero continues to burn it. The idea of falling in love “should never be the only reason to marry someone; it is very easy to confuse impudence and lust for love. The most important character traits you should look for include humility, kindness, responsibility, happiness. Don’t let the rush of love lead you to marry the wrong person.
- Do Not Neglect the Emotional Needs of Your Partner
The fundamental emotional need of a woman is to be loved. The fundamental emotional need of a man is to be respected and appreciated. To make a woman feel loved give her the three AAAs: Attention, Affection, & Appreciation. To make a man feel loved give him the three RRRs: Respect, Reassurance, & Relief. As long as each partner is fulfilled by the emotional needs of the other, the relationship will thrive. Working together in this way encourages both giving and receiving.
- Avoid opposing life plans
In marriage you can either grow together or separate. Sharing a common goal in life will increase your chances of growing together. You need to know what the person is in and what he is passionate about in the end. Then ask yourself, “Do I respect this passion?” The more specifically you define yourself, i.e. values, beliefs, your way of life, the better chance you have to find the one you are most compatible with. Remember, before you decide with whom to take a trip, you must first understand your destination.
- Avoid premarital sexual / physical activity
Recognize that there is incredible wisdom in why God has commanded us to abstain from intimacy before marriage; they are for the prevention of great harm, as well as for the preservation of the sacred, which is the most blessed part of a relationship between a man and a woman. When a relationship acquires physically ahead of its time, important issues such as character, life philosophy, and compatibility go aside. Therefore, everything is romanticized and it becomes difficult to even remember the important issues, let alone talk about them. Intellectual commitment must be established before emotional or sexual attachment.
- Avoid the lack of emotional connection
There are nine questions you need to answer
Do I respect and admire this person?
What specifically do I respect and admire about this person?
Do I trust this person?
Can I count on them?
Can I believe what they say?
Do I feel safe?
Do I feel emotionally safe with this person?
Can I be myself?
Do I feel at ease with this person?
If the answer is “I don’t know, I’m not sure, etc.”, keep evaluating until you really understand how you feel.
- Pay attention to your own emotional anxiety Look for the following things to avoid relationship abuse: Controlling Behavior: This includes controlling the way you act and think, the way you dress and the way you spend your time. Know the difference between proposals and requests.
Problems of anger: This is a person who raises his voice regularly, who is angry with you, uses anger against you and curses you, etc.
- Beware of lack of openness in your partner Many couples make the mistake of not putting everything on the table for discussion from the beginning. It is very important to determine what worries you and the things that excite you. Then you need to have an honest discussion about them. This is a great way to test the strength of your relationship and really appreciate how well you communicate, negotiate and work together as a team. It is also important to ask each other deep questions and see how your partner responds. Don’t just listen to what they say, but watch how they say it!
- Be careful to avoid personal responsibility
Many people make the mistake of thinking that someone else will fulfill them and make their lives better and this is the reason for marriage. People do not understand that if they are unhappy as a single person, they will continue to be unhappy when they are married. If you are not happy with yourself at the moment, do not like the direction in which your life is going now, it is important to start working on improving these areas of your life before considering marriage. Do not introduce these problems into your marriage and hope that your partner will correct them.
- Beware of the lack of emotional health in your potential partner
Many people choose partners who are not emotionally healthy or available. One huge problem is when the partner is unable to balance emotional ties with family members, in the end the marriage has 3 (or more) people, not two. An example of this would be if the man is too dependent on his mother and brings this relationship into the marriage; this is undoubtedly a recipe for disaster. It’s important to keep the following in mind: Avoid people who are emotionally empty inside, this includes people who don’t like themselves because they lack the ability to be emotionally available. They are always preoccupied with their shortcomings, insecurities and negative thoughts. They are constantly struggling with depression, never feel well, isolated, critical and judgmental; tend not to have close friends and often trust or fear people. They feel burdened by other people’s needs and resent them.
Addictions: Addictions can also limit a partner’s level of accessibility to build a strong emotional connection. He never marries an addict. Addictions are not limited to drugs and alcohol. They can be related to addictions and dependence on work, internet, hobbies, sports, shopping, money, power, status, materialism and more. Additional points to consider
- The fact is that no one seems 25 forever. After all, we love the person we marry for more than their appearance. When we meet someone we love and admire, we will love them for their inner beauty and overall nature.
2.Be flexible. Be open!
- Giving in a happy marriage should not be confused with martyrdom. It should be about enjoying and seeing the other person as happy because of your relationship with them.
- Morality and spirituality are qualities that really define someone in addition to beauty, money and health. If someone is not conscientious and does not comply with God, then why expect them to fulfill your due rights? Mutual and shared spiritual connection will promote a successful marriage.