The first few weeks in marriage is always a time of contention for couples, this time is the time of laying foundation for that marriage. At this period, wait to see the unexpected in your spouse.

It is a period of surprises. What you never believed are what you will see but don’t you worry it is normal. I went through mine with my wife.

This is where patience is needed. Your spouse have different perspectives, attitudes, focus, motive etc, based on the fact that he/she was brought up from a different home which I called the “background”. He/she has been influenced in that his/her family by the way they do things, view things, play together understand things etc, consequently as a result of years of interactions with others in that environment, there is all possibility that it will manifest in your new home. It is a hang-over or carryover attitudes.

This is regardless of the person’s tribe or ethnicity, the same man from the same state and a particular local government may marry to a woman in that same state and from the same local government and probably from the same village. This is not a guarantee that the marriage will be totally free from any form of contention. The person even though from the same state and village with you is not from the same family with you.

That is my point of reference here and not tribe or ethnicity even though a greater part of it. So, prepare to see, learn and adjust with your spouse different form of attitudes, values, motives, perceptions, etc. When it manifest in your spouse different from how it used to be back there in your own former house (yes because you have come to establish your own home now different from your father and your mother), learn to be patient, accommodating, tolerate, correct and adjust. This is what I called understanding in marriage.

In my experience, my wife is used to general cleaning of the house on Saturdays just because that is the only day they do cleaning in her house. When we got married it was difficult for me to change that day, she will always say I am used to cleaning only on Saturdays. If in my home we clean on Sundays or Fridays then you can see that there exists a contradiction that needs adjustment from both of us. So watch out.


Remember the fastest tool to achieve this is effective communication.


You just have to communicate and not to quarrel. When you quarrel, nag, shout, or yell at each other you are not communicating but hurting yourselves. Communication is done by sitting down and reasoning together, reaching an understanding together. If you could do this no external party will come in to solve any problem in your home.

This you should remember as a couple, you have your own home now adjust and establish your own and not how it was done in your former (PARENTS) house – change every negative background. with understanding and compromise for each other.

This story may shock you but it happened.

A marriage was instituted, the day of the wedding, the spouse family stayed overnight since it was late to go back to their various destination. In the morning, one of the sisters from the groom’s family was trying to get paste to her toothbrush, but pressed the tube from the middle, the bride who was present shouted, you don’t need to press the toothpaste from the middle but from the base. This little thing resulted to hot argument, from then to exchange of words, fighting ensued which affected all the members of each family present. Now there is division between the groom and the bride family members in the house at that moment everyone trying to exonerate and defend their own person.

You can imagine the scene that could be created in such situation. There and then, to your tent oh Israel the marriage crashed because of lack of UNDERSTANDING.

The bride was trying to say in my house you can never press toothpaste from the middle, to the sister in-law, in her house, paste could be pressed from any angle nobody cares how you get it. This is just one out of thousands of attitudes or character associated with different background, they make you different.

What will happen if a man is used to sleeping with the light on and the wife is used to sleeping in her house with the light off. You see where different background calls for dialogue and compromise. This scenario alone could break a home if not properly handled. The man may see the wife as stubborn while the wife will see the husband as selfish.

They are not meant to crash your home if handheld wisely, you can still make your home heaven on earth, let there be love, passion, affection, sexual mutuality and satisfaction then handle your differences with memorandum of understanding (MOU)



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