HONEY MOON RETREAT FOR NEWLYWED COUPLES AND SINGLES – Part Two
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BY PASTOR AKINDELE VICTOR
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CONCEPT OF TRUE LOVE IN MARRIAGE.
OUR BIBLE REFERENCE: Genesis 29:17
“Leah was tender eyed; but Rachel was beautiful and well favoured”.
“To love is nothing. To be loved is something. But to love and be loved, that’s everything ~T. Tolis
Please let your love in this your marriage go beyond feelings and sexual attraction to full commitment. Follow my story patiently….
This may go against your mind and understanding, please just accord me that respect and follow me through with meekness to get the full message.
Does the world understand this word LOVE in marriage?
As a married man or woman, when you get married, is there any possibility you will see someone that possess more attributes, elegant in appearance than your spouse and still appreciate the person, whom you may still say you love?
As a woman, after your marriage, is it possible that men will see you and still approach you for friendship even when they are looking at your wedding ring?
If it is possible, will you live your husband to run to your new catch? Well so many do that.
It is very possible to be in marriage and meet someone you still love perhaps more than your husband or wife. This means the issue of love may be a continuous thing, a going concern, something endless. If you lack self control, you will keep falling in love desiring strong and sexual intimacy with every one you truly appreciate. Will you then marry everybody? What will happen to your spouse if you continue in this escapades?
The word love and how it should be used and understood in marriage is not as the same as we freely use it in day to day life. We can easily call a girl my love how are you or tell a boy I love you baby, that is alright, no sin in that. But bringing it into reality as we see in marriage, it is complex and deeper than what we think, say or feel about it.
When we mention this word love, what goes on in your mind?
One day a boy of about eleven years asked me if nothing is wrong to tell a girl in the same class with him what he is feeling for her, then I asked, what do you feel for her? He said I don’t even know is just that I love the girl. My question is at that age, what is LOVE to both of them. Do they real understand it? At that age love is limited to feeling good or strong sexual desires but that is not so in marriage. It must go beyond feelings, sometimes you may lose the feelings but commitment will keep you going until your feelings are restored.
When a boy approaches a girl to be her boy friend, the first thing he will say is “I love you” what do you think will come to mind in this our age? If your friend introduced a man and say meet my boy friend, the mind goes to mean two love birds immediately. What comes to mind is I’m sexually attracted to you, but when the result of sexual prowess manifest, the same boy will be on the run showing the fact that his love is just attractions or feelings but not commitment.
I’m happy you are an adult and now married, love must have been the basis. But before I say anything further, I will like us to go down memory lane.
When I was a little boy the story has it that in Africa, some women don’t know they are about to marry until some few days to when she will leave for the husband’s house. Every toasting, wooing or anything you call it happens between the parents. In some rear occasions, some men may meet the wife before marriage but in a timid mood, the same thing goes to the girl.
In this scenario, why did we have more sanctity and stable relationship among the couples. Why do we experience stable homes among couples. Then, divorce was last thing that could ever be imagined after the two are joined, it becomes a taboo, infidelity is never to be conceived talk more of practicing. Ladies go to their husband’s house clean and moral with high sense of commitment to marriage. Women labour for their home while men struggle to provide for the family. They never met, the man or the woman never known each others too well, never never experiment sex, they are both novice who are learning and growing together only after traditional rites. The family only know each others too well yet these their children will never complain I don’t love him or I don’t love her, they grow in love in marriage by sense of commitment.
Yes, I know you may want to say, are you taking us back to the old, so called dark age? My dear I’m not, but there are qualities of life we can still emulate from there. Why will people be engaged for years today but never last months in marriage? Why? But people we call dark age stood by the principles of Godly marriage. What made them succeed better than our generation, these are questions you and I should ponder upon.
How have we missed it, today you see people asking you, how can you go along with or marry to someone you never mingle with like as we see it today, how will you know his capacity, how will you know you are in love? These are questions we bothered about today yet with civilization we missed the track.
The developed nations where civilization emanated from are having serious crisis in marriage, there are high rate of divorces in the society this is among those who believe their eyes were wide opened before they can marry. Some are into the second to third marriage, what a sad situation.
You want to see how he/she dresses, you want to see what the shape of her breast is, in fact we want to feed our mind with such FANTASIES that guaranteed the sense of feeling good. We bastardized our mind with frivolous, trivial things that does not matter in time past in relationship.
The current trend among the singles that are seriously searching is the test for sexual ecstasy and good in bed yardstick before making decision on whether he/she is suitable for marriage. Does this guarantee happiness in that marriage? It is a sign of decayed society. Couples are to married as a novice and learn to grow together in whatever practices or styles they wish to learn. That is how God designed it.
If appearance, clothing, beauty, shape, height, money, sexual ecstasy or good in bed nature can guarantee sustenance of marriage I think the poor will have nothing as marriage. The celebrities and the rich who can make themselves look good by going for plastic surgery on their face, breast, etc would have stable marriage, but in reality do they have it? So many of them are single mothers while the men are into more than two marriages already. WHAT THEN IS TRUE LOVE IN MARRIAGE that can sustain your home?
Number one killer of marriages today is an acclaimed notion from a partner i have lost feelings for my spouse? And what that simply means is no more sexual attraction.
What is TRUE LOVE?
People go about following their heart, feelings etc. You hear girls saying I have lost all feelings for him, I am in another relationship, I don’t love him anymore I am in love with another person. All these are happening in marriage today. Some ironically fall in love with someone else few months after their wedding. Will you say that is normal? Will you say it is actually love? Then if it is, you should marry everyone that appeal to your eyes and your heart? That is the world definition of love.
Should I marry whom I love or
Should I love whom I married
Which one is true love
True love is to LOVE THE ONE YOU MARRIED….
Love is a commitment and not feelings.
I know after this, many of you will kill me with questions, no problems, I will attend to you.
TAKE NOTE OF THESE DEFINITIONS OF LOVE ACCORDING TO THE WORLD AND NEVER BUILD THIS YOUR MARRIAGE ON IT.
1. Love is a strong sexual feelings toward opposite sex that is ( sexual chemistry) – remember this can dwindle
2. Love is an attraction to opposite sex- these may fail
3. Love is a feeling or attraction towards another person. – this may seize
Now look at this, everything is all about feelings, feelings, feelings or attractions. Well I will not say that is bad, but in time past and till tomorrow, it never guaranteed safe, happy or successful marriages.
WHAT THEN IS TRUE LOVE IN MARRIAGE?
I read in one daily an article about a man who seek for divorce while still in honey moon because he saw the wife for the first time without make up. May be he did not like what he saw, or he was actually deceived by make ups all this while. The man fell in love with the face and not with the mind.
Another story related to this is a leaked picture of a woman’s flap belly and breast with stretched marks a husband snapped and sent to his mistress complaining about the changes in the wife that have changed his feelings for her. The picture surfaced as a threat to the woman when she confronted her husband’s mistress. You can figure out the stories that follows. So what then is true love in marriage?
1. True Love in marriage is a sense of commitment and not on
2. True Love in marriage is not known in perfection but in
3. True Love in marriage is not limited to attraction.
4. True Love in marriage is unconditional.
5. True Love in marriage is about caring for one another in
health and sickness.
6. True Love in marriage is all about patient and forgiveness.
7. True Love in marriage is all about support for each others
8. True Love in marriage is a two way commitment, it is a
mutual effect not lopsided
9. True Love in marriage is a sense of togetherness for ever till
death do us part.
10. True Love in marriage is not all about your happiness but
happiness of your partner.
11. True love in marriage is all about what you can do to make
your spouse a better person physically, spiritually, materially
and emotionally not what the person could offer or look like
but what you can help him or her look like
“To love is nothing. To be loved is something. But to love and be loved, that’s everything ~T. Tolis. In this your marriage, please be blind to each others faults and shortcomings just like your father Adam and Eve, for they were naked and never became ashamed. That was when they have not sinned but the moment they sinned, their eyes were opened the result was that they started blaming one another. Disunity, that’s what the devil is looking for, but he can’t get it as long as you are ready to follow your marriage with the ways and principles of God.
You shall enjoy unimaginable peace and joy in your marriage in Jesus name. Amen
END OF CLASS QUESTIONS
1. Who among these women do you think was God’s approval as a wife of Abraham. (A). Sarah (B). Hagar
NB: state your reasons in any case
2. Who among these do you think was the real wife of Jacob
(A). Rachel. (B). Leah.
NB: state your reasons in any case.
Send your Questions and answers.
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Pastor AKINDELE VICTOR