Please, take your time to read through this. I have an in depth information for you that could help make your marriage better, most especially as a man.

Another reason to sexual frustration among couples I will state here is lost of respect. I do not want to tag it “LOST OF LOVE” because something must cause a woman to lose what she once felt for her husband.

This menace could happen to both sex, a man can lose regard for his wife likewise a wife could lose regard or reverence for her husband. The negative aspect of lost of respect is that lost of respect automatically leads to lost of affection and love.

It is my experience that when respect is gone, the marriage is over. Most people enter counseling way too late, when there is nothing left to salvage. Respect is fundamental in any healthy relationship. Think about it: when we lose respect for a person who was a friend, that person is a friend no longer; or if we lose respect for a boss, well, its time to find another job. It is very very sad to live in a marriage where there is no respect; and one can love a spouse but not have respect, and this too is really a done deal. A healthy marriage needs two healthy adults; not one adult and one “child”.

The effects of lost of respect is more on a woman than a man because women are psychologically more connected to their husband. Anything that will alter this psychological connection can easily piss up a woman and disconnect her love and affection for the man. This can easily lead to struggles in love making.

Respect means an attitude of consideration or high regard, honor, reverence, esteem or admiration. So, talking about lost of respect therefore means lost of an attitude of consideration, lost of regard, honor or administration.

Since our focus is on why some women try to avoid sexual intimacy with their husband, I will streamline my discussion to women. Although the effects could be the same with a man in marriage.

When a woman loses respect for you as her man, she will then begin to feel less attraction for you and when that happens, she will gradually begin to fall out of love with you.

Maintaining a woman’s respect is essentially about being a strong, honest man that she can look up to, rather than an insecure, emotionally selfish or unreliable man that she looks down on.

It’s also about making sure that you make her feel motivated to be a good woman for you, rather than her eventually feeling like she can disrespect you, not be affection or loving and you will just put up with it.

So, in addition to being a good man that she can look up to and respect, you need to bring out the best in her, so she is a good woman that treats you well.

Of course, that’s not what women will go around saying.

If you ask women about relationships, they will usually say that a man has to do everything and treat the woman like a princess and then she might be nice to him, if he’s lucky.

That’s just a trick that women use to control men.

You’ve got to look through it and notice that the women who are the happiest, are with a good man who treats them well, but who also brings out their good girl side and makes them want to treat him well.

The Start of a Relationship is the easy Part. When a relationship begins, most men are on their best behavior because they want to have sex with the woman and then get into a relationship with her.

Yet, after a while, a man might slip into the habit of treating his wife badly and taking her presence in his life for granted.

He assumes that because things felt great at the start, the woman will be willing to stick around even when things turn bad.

Keeping a relationship together in today’s world requires a man to actually know how to deepen the love, respect and attraction that a woman feels for him over time.

If he can’t do that, the relationship will almost always fall apart eventually (or very quickly).

Starting a relationship with a modern woman is the easy part because they are much more open to having sex and seeing where it goes.

The more challenging part for most guys is being able to keep the relationship together by deepening the woman’s love, respect and attraction over time.


When there is a lost of respect which always lead to lost of love and affection, it means intercourse will become the last thing in her mind to give to the man she lost honor or administration for.
She finds it difficult to be in the mood, any attempt from the man becomes irritating to her. So for this reason she can frame up any excuse either real or imaginary to discourage the man from coming closer.


A woman can easily lose respect (love) for her husband when she begins to notice or witness negative unexpected attitudes from the husband after their marriage. It is predominant among women who hold their husband in a high esteem before marriage to easily become disenchanted immediately after marriage when she begins to see the husband exhibit those attitudes she least expected of him.

A wife can lose respect for her husband for a number of reasons:

  1. When he makes poor decisions always.
  2. If he could not manage family finances well.
  3. When he is not a good husband to the woman.
  4. When he is harsh with the kids or he’s distant towards them.
  5. If he is a lazy person.
  6. When he is rude and insensitive towards the wife.
  7. When he does not give her attention or satisfy her sexually.
  8. When he is promiscuous in nature.

I still believe in marriage. Marriage can work between adults who are willing to work at it. Love and respect go together.

1). It is hard to have a good marriage, but whatever happens in it, it is not only men’s fault. I am sure that women also make mistakes that make them be bad husbands or good husbands, Men are like children, and woman are supposed to have the intelligence to build a good marriage, and i am not saying that it is not challenging, but it is part of our life.

2). Respect for the other is essential in a relationship. He needs to find a way to behave that you can respect once again. At the same time, if you want your marriage to get better, you need to look for the things in him that you can and do respect. Is he a good father? Does he help around the house? What does he do that you do admire? This doesn’t mean that you don’t also need to work together on the problems, but at least if you can try to rebuild some positive feelings for him, that will be an incentive.

3). Don’t forget that he most likely knows that you look down on him, whether or not you verbalize it. Often, when we feel that the other person thinks poorly of us, we don’t even want to try. Sometimes we even feel that we can’t win. If he feels that no matter what he does you won’t be happy, then he won’t even
bother trying. So appreciate any little he does now so that he can improve on it tomorrow.

4). If you want your marriage to work, you need to want to be married to your husband, and not solely for your children. Only when you put the focus on each other and to rebuilding and strengthening the trust, love and connection that the two of you need to share, will you be able to have a healthy marriage, and then you will be giving your children the greatest gift of all, which are happy and healthy parents in a home filled with love and optimism.

5). Have you tried speaking to him about it? Is there anyone he respects, a rabbi, friend, relative, who could get involved and speak to him on your behalf?

6). Does he do something that you are pleased with, lavish him with praises so that he may do it again.

7). Pray for him often for a change of attitudes.

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Pastor Akindele Victor
Call, Text or WhatsApp : 08037730716.


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