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I will be sharing this topic point by point daily I don’t want to bug you with lengthy write ups, we shall take it one at a time I want you to read and digest every point.

In as much as I encouraged couples should not be largely rule by feelings and attractions only but also by commitment in marriage,  I will quickly tell you that love can increase or decrease by your attitudes in your marriage.

Love expectation in one side of marriage is to be loved and in another side is to love, that is, to reciprocate the love to your partner. A wife is expecting and looking out for the husband to show love to her while the husband in the other hand is looking out for the wife to love him. This is why we say love is a two way thing, love and be loved. You are to love your spouse and your spouse is to love you. When love is lopsided, that means only one partner is carrying both burden of the marriage, in this case it is heavier but when they both value, cherishes and show affections to each other, well it becomes a collective love, the burden is lighter. You are in this marriage to show love to your partner either you are a wife or the husband.

No one go into marriage expecting to be loved only without that commitment of showing love and affection to the spouse, the expectation should be to be loved and to reciprocate the love to your partner. When a partner feels he/she is showing more affection in marriage, it breeds insecurity and bad feelings so to avoid this show yourself loveable.

How can you make yourself loveable in this marriage? Follow these my step by step techniques to make your home envy of the society.

1. Have the fear of God: The fear of God, the Bible says is the beginning of wisdom. What does the fear of God got to do here? It will guide your thoughts pattern and actions. The fear of God will make you to do things in the ways of God in your marriage, With the fear of God ruling your heart, one, you can’t keep secret from your partner (your conscience will never rest), two, you can’t engage in illicit sex with others, three, you will easily let go on an issue (forgiveness), four, the fear of God will always help you to think positive about your marriage, five, with the fear of God you will be afraid of hurting your partner. Anyone who exhibit this qualities will be loveable in any marriage.

2. Never think you are better than your partner: Marriage is all about complementing each others, you are an addition of what is missing right there in your spouse. If couples understand how God designed man in his uniqueness, they will never boast of been better than their spouse rather, they will see themselves as a complement of their partner. Naturally, we get attracted to our opposite, that is, we easily value what we lack in our life or family. For instance, if you are from a family where all your family members are tall and lanky, you may easily crush over those of average height, if you are short in your family, you may likely crush over a tall person, it could be in terms of complexion,  intelligence, temperament (hot will always get combined with cool), etc, opposite attracts.

So you are a complement of your spouse in that marriage it will be out of place when you think you are better than him or you are better than her, no, rather you are just a part of him or her. That is how God designed man, no two man are completely the same, not even those from the same womb, call them twins or whatever. If you can accept what your partner is and value that person, you are actually making your self loveable. Thinking about someone smarter?, More active? More intelligent? Social? Reserved? Stronger? Hardworking? Name it, that is how God designed it, so be humble and blend for the betterment of your marriage. These qualities could be found either in you as the wife or in you as the husband. Use it to the glory of God and not to the intimidation of your partner. If you can wave aside what ever you are, compliment your partner without looking for praises or special attention, you will be loved no matter how long.

READ THIS from an article I read, it made sense to me.
Two days ago I was in the church for an evening program.There was a woman sitting in my front with a baby boy who probably has recently learnt how to walk and this could be seen by the way he was staggering and walking around happily. Severally he staggered and fell and stood up again. Suddenly I saw him smiling at someone behind and I turned to see his object of attention and I noticed he was smiling at a baby girl who was crawling at the back. He staggered and walked to where the girl was crawling and stood beside her. The girl stopped crawling and sat down on the floor and they were staring at each other. After sometime the girl crawled away. The boy walked up to her again. I was distracted by the voice of the praise leader. After some minutes I turned back to look at the two children, I now observed that the boy had stooped down and was now crawling with the girl happily on the floor. I smiled inwardly to myself and I heard a voice saying “Charity this is what marriage is all about” I asked the voice how? And He said “the boy has realized that the girl cannot walk like himself but in order for them to communicate, he has to come down to her level so they can flow”. This is called compatibility in marriage. One person has to compromise and step down a little in order to carry the other one along. What do you have that your partner lack? Money, good character, good temperament, beauty, good voice or ascent, eloquence, education, height, good background, name it, they are endless. Never use it against your partner as a man or women else God will fight you at the end.

3. Respect your spouse: We say respect is reciprocal, to make yourself loveable, give respect to your partner, you will surely get it back. This goes mostly to men who think they are the authority so they can do as they wishes, please, give your wife the respect she deserves, in turn she will give it back to you.To women, you easily get carried away early in marriage, most women I have talked to see themselves equal to their husband immediately after their marriage because they have started sleeping together. They speak without caution, they react without restraints, they order the man for assistant in the house, in the kitchen or bed room without proper reverence or words of respect like please, kindly help me, I’m sorry, pardon me etc. When any of these does not come at the Beginning or end of a statement, it shows you lack respect for your spouse. This is not limited to women, a husband should be able to tell his wife those words of respect too.

Never talk to your husband or wife the same way you will talk to your child or maid. Apply courtesy, apply etiquette don’t say is she not my wife or saying after all he is my husband yes he is , yes she is that is the more reason why you should give honour to whom honour is due. Does your spouse deserve your honour? Yes, in all aspects of life. There is a saying going on on social media that if a wife should respect her husband the same way she gives respect to her pastor, there will be no broken homes. This may sound funny but in a way is true. Including men to a woman pastor, if you can honour your wife the way you will honour your pastor’s wife or a lady pastor, there will be peace, tranquility and progress in your home.

You think women don’t need respect? Yes they do we are all human, we deserve courtesy from each other. How and what do you call your spouse? How do you answer when he or she calls you? What is the tune of your voice when you want to ask him or her something? How do you react when you are hurt? How do you treat him or her when you are not happy? The list can go on and on. These are measures of respect, courtesy and etiquette in your home. Observe it strictly for the sake of peace and together. See what the bible have to say: Ephesian 5:21
21 Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. One to another means respect him, respect her, give him honour, give her honour. Let the respect be balanced, then you shall be happy together.

4 Take good care of your spouse: What us your understanding about this statement, when you hear it what does it sound to you. Your idea may be to become the nurse or doctor that administered medication to the sick, right? or your attitudes when your love one is ill. Well I’m here to teach you how to make your self loveable. Let me create the picture of a lovely kid who gets attention from a visitor, the person will always come around to the baby house with a present, smile at the baby, carry the baby to dance around, sing for the baby and anytime he/,she is living will always tell the baby bye with a cheerful face. You will agree with me that baby will become attached to that visitor. Don’t be surprise that on a good day that kid may cry to go home with that stranger. Why? Because of that little caring.

A student once told me how he fell in love with a man to an extent she wished to have a baby for the man even after the relationship broke up. How did the man entered into her heart? Very simple act of caring. According to her the man has been her brothers friend, he has been coming to the brothers shop but to her the last person in her mind as a lover will be the man when it comes to relationship, she never liked the man at all according to her but a simple act of caring made the man dear to her. In one faithful day she did something wrong according to her so her brother was very angry that she gave her serious beating of her life as if to kill her, all the neighbours were just looking at her with pains as she was secretly praying for a saviour incidentally this friend of the brother drove in, she said the man was very angry with the brother, fought the brother for her sake, struggled with the brother then took her out of the shop carried her into his car and drove away. The man attended to her, took good care of her until her pains subsided then brought her back to the brother and reconciled them. From that day she became close to the man eventually friendship and love set in. That is the man that was never her crush suddenly became her obsession, how did it happen? Just an act of caring, the man find his way into her heart.

Often time, we say I don’t love him any more or I have lost passion for her, in marriage that we are to increase in love! It is amazing, but something must be responsible, lack of connection and intimacy. To avoid this disconnection with your partner, onsciously or unconsciously play with each others even when you don’t feel like it, that is funny though but it is a rule just happily apply it in your marriage. What you sow is what you reap.
Proverbs 18:24
24 A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.
Does that make any sense to you. So be a friend to your spouse for your own good.

I will end this here to continue in part four. Please follow.

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